Anahita committed to coaching her employees two months ago and is already seeing positive results. Unfortunately, she’s struggling with one of her employees, Mathias. Despite her coaching, his engagement is still low, his productivity hasn’t improved, and his relationships with team members is lacking. Is she doing something wrong, or is he resistant to coaching? Let’s take a look at their last session. 

A Look Into a Coaching Session 

Frustrated With a Teammate

Last week Anahita and Mathias had a check-in meeting. When Anahita asked how things were going, Mathias immediately shared his frustrations about one of his team members, Davi. He explained that Davi interrupts people in meetings, rarely listens, doesn’t read the full email she’s replying to, and misses key points. 

Anahita wanted more details. She asked who Davi was interrupting and what she said. She was curious what kind of information Davi missed in emails and what else she missed at work. Anahita also asked Mathias how his other team members were reacting to Davi. After a thorough analysis of Davi, Anahita moved on to asking about Mathias’ goals. 

Not Meeting Goals

One of Mathias’ goals was to build trust with his own team. His plan was to have weekly, informal check-ins with his team members. These could even happen when passing in the hallway—the point being that he touch base with each person on a weekly basis. He was to ask them about their lives in an attempt to get to know them as human beings, which in turn would develop relationships and increase trust. And in these conversations, he would approach them with empathy. 

When Anahita asked Matthias if he had met this goal, he was hesitant to respond. He explained that he did meet with a few team members, and that the interactions were positive, but he didn’t get around to meeting with everyone yet. Anahita suggested he look more closely at his time management skills, in order to meet this goal. 

Feeling Stuck and Unmotivated

In the last part of their meeting, Mathias confided that he was feeling stuck and unmotivated. Anahita asked Mathias what’s getting in the way, what his problem was and then suggested how she moves forward herself when she feels unmotivated. She also asked how he planned to fix his morale issue. That’s when their time was up and Anahita rushed out the door to another meeting; Mathias headed back to his desk.  

______________________

Reviewing the scenario above, it becomes clear why Anahita hasn’t seen any positive results with Mathias. It’s not for lack of effort on her part; it’s just that she’s fallen into three very common pitfalls of coaching. Let’s take a look at what these pitfalls are, and how to overcome them.

Tips for Overcoming Three Common Coaching Pitfalls 

Tip 1: Coach the Person in the Room

Far too often, a coachee will talk about someone else in a coaching session. We saw this with Mathias as he discussed his team member Davi—that she doesn’t listen, interrupts, misses key points in emails, and more. It’s easy for a coach to fall into the trap of wanting to know more about the person ‘outside the room’ because the coach may think that knowing more about the person will help them address the problem with their coachee. 

The truth is that as a coach, you want to coach the person in front of you, not someone else outside the room. Why? A coachee can’t change anyone; they can only change their own behavior in response to a situation. So instead of focusing on the person ‘outside the room’, focus on the coachee and what she can do about the situation. In the case of Matthias, Anahita might have asked questions such as: “How do you want to respond next time you’re interrupted?” or “What would success look like for you at the next meeting?”

Your time together is valuable. You don’t want to spend it discussing another person whom you have no control over; instead, help the coachee grow and develop by discussing their response next time the situation occurs.

Tip 2: Acknowledge Success

It’s easy to minimize a coachee’s success, or only acknowledge success when the full goal has been achieved. Yet remember, what may be simple for a coach may be difficult for a coachee, so don’t apply your achievement standards to your coachee. Instead, every time your coachee moves forward toward the goal, help them see that progress with, “You took another step toward your goal,” or “You’re steadily moving toward achieving your goal.” In this case, Anahita could point out that Mathias did meet with some of his team, and that shows progress.

Be sure to keep the Progress Principal in mind. Teresa Amabile developed this principle based on research into nearly 12,000 daily diary entries from over 200 professionals working inside organizations. 

When comparing the research participants’ best and worst days, it showed that progress made by the individual or team is a common event that triggers a “best day”. Steps forward occurred on 76% of people’s best-mood days. The most common event triggering a “worst day” was a setback. 

With that in mind, the practice of recognizing even small wins is very important—because on the “best days”, employees report more interest and enjoyment in the work itself, and more positive and supportive relationships with their teams. They also report emotional effects such as feeling more joy, warmth and pride.

Tip 3: Empathize

Time is precious and sometimes a coach will rush the conversation, to move to action and next steps. To a coachee, this can sound like non-stop questions, one firing right after the other, which can feel intimidating and overwhelming. While asking questions is important, it’s also important to empathize and let the coachee feel heard. 

For example, when Mathias said he felt stuck and couldn’t get motivated to do anything, Anahita responded with multiple questions. Her instinct to move him forward toward a solution is correct; and, it would be more effective for her to show empathy. So rather than respond immediately with, “What’s getting in the way of you feeling motivated?” she could say, “Feeling stuck is no fun. What’s the impact on your overall morale?” or “Feeling stuck is challenging. How does that impact the current project?” The key here is to be open to what the coachee says, not drive your own agenda. 

As you can see, these coaching pitfalls are easy to stumble into. But with awareness, these mishaps can be avoided. In all interactions with your coachees, remember to focus on the person in the room, acknowledge their successes (no matter how small), and approach them with empathy. You’ll be well on your way to coaching success!