It’s time to talk. Really talk. About the national and global issues that are impacting our changed lives, including Covid-19, civil unrest and returning to work or school. I don’t mean a quick chat; I’m referring to real conversations about tough topics where the stakes are high, the opinions vary and the emotions run strong.

In other words, this is a time for crucial conversations, a concept pioneered by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. We tend to avoid crucial conversations at work. However, it’s important to learn how to handle them productively and positively. So how do we do it? Use the seven steps to creating a successful crucial conversation.

Seven Steps to Creating a Successful Crucial Conversation

1. Start with the heart
2. Master your story
3. Learn to look
4. Make it safe
5. State your path
6. Explore the other’s path
7. Move to action

1. Start with the heart: During the crucial conversation, start with the heart. Why are you having this conversation? Because you’re angry and want to prove your point? Or because you want to improve your working relationship? Focus on healthy goals like learning, finding the truth, and strengthening relationships.

2. Master your story: When managing crucial conversations, stick to concrete facts and avoid judgements about those facts. Instead of saying, “You’re late, again.”, try saying “This is the 3rd time you’ve been late in 3 weeks. What’s causing these delays?”

3. Learn to look: Look at your role in the situation before accusing the other person. How have you contributed to the problem and how can you improve it?

4. Make it safe: While engaging in crucial conversations, create safety which includes being fully present without distractions and avoiding dangerous phrases, such as “You always do this.” or “You never do that”.

5. State your path: Create an environment where asking for help is encouraged. State how you’d like the issue to be resolved and ask for help in finding that solution. Create an environment where asking for help is encouraged. State how you’d like the issue to be resolved and ask for help in finding that solution.

6. Explore the other’s path: Now it’s time to listen and hear what the other person wants. Looking at the other person’s perspective calms the conversation and helps move the discussion in the right direction.

7. Move to action: Moving to action plays a significant role in crucial conversation. What action steps have you both agreed to and how will you ensure those steps take root?

Three Tips for Successful Crucial Conversations

With practice, a crucial conversation can be simple and bring a positive outcome. Keep these three tips in mind:

1. Adjust your mindset: Gearing up for a crucial conversation can create anxiety. Instead of getting nervous, try to adjust your mindset to be more positive. A crucial conversation goes best when you think of it as a normal conversation in a normal day.

These types of conversations could trigger strained working relationships within the organization. To avoid the painful effect, be compassionate with yourself and the other person. No one is perfect so be gracious with those around you.

2. Listen: Listening actively before responding to the other person can often give you enough time to choose the right words. By doing so, you can address the right issues leading to fruitful conversations.

During the crucial conversation, listen deeply with an open mind. While listening to the other person’s points of view, you will get to know their needs and requirements.

After listening, acknowledge the other’s viewpoint. Expressing interest in understanding the other’s point of view helps clarify the difference between the perspectives.

The best way to listen in a crucial conversation is to keep yourself calm and relaxed. Don’t just rush into things. To keep yourself calm, try to take regular breaths and relax your mind. A relaxed mind helps you refocus, providing the capacity to absorb what the other person is saying.

3. Plan: Planning is an essential aspect of crucial conversations so make sure to understand all the factors related to your crucial conversation. Being prepared in advance helps you hold a simple, clear, balanced and direct conversation. Bringing a few notes is one technique; you could also role play with another colleague before the actual crucial conversation.

Ready to improve your crucial conversation skills? Start by asking for feedback on your ability to handle stressful situations, which will help identify your areas of improvement. Then practice, practice, practice. Practice makes crucial conversations substantially more relaxed and less daunting!

Want to learn more about crucial conversations? Let’s share experiences. Leave a comment below, send us an email, or find me on Twitter.

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